Well look what we got here, it’s Thursday already?? I guess it’s time to push my body to the limit for exactly 60 seconds and spend an unspecified amount of time recovering. Special appearance by Donut “BuddyBud” Gingy Gingerbread Simith MeowMeow, honorable mention to Mark R. who knows to hide under a couch when he hears the music. I should clarify Mark R. is our other cat, not a hider in the house like the Gary Busey movie in which he plays the title character. You might be able to guess from the name but the Hider in the House is a guy who hides in this one house and becomes kind of emotionally attached to the family that lives there. Unfortunately for HITH, there’s never really a good moment to introduce himself, without raising more questions than he probably want to answer. But he does save that kid from the pool! After all, Hider in the House is another set of eyes! Anyway guess what?? There’s an extra special returning guest actor extraordinaire on Matlock tonight, but I can’t tell you who it is… but it’s Melanie Lynskey! My incredible spousal partner in time! Watch me in real time have to imagine her character having had a romantic relationship with my character’s father! Awkwaaaard! That’s what I always say! It’s especially fun to say when you’re half-being included in a conversation at any social gathering! Just cut right in and say “awkwaaaaaard!” Like that and hold the final vowel sound until it’s impossibly awkward and there you have it! It’s like a little spell you can cast! You have the power to externalize your awkwardness to the outside world with one simple word and one giant deep breath beforehand to make sure you have the stamina to outlast people trying to pick the conversation back up from where it was. To be fair, I have never done this but I do believe it would work. I don’t know if it’s technically a spell, but it’s definitely manifestation! Anyway, Melanie is on tonight and it’s also the SECOND TO LAST episode of the season!! It’s the ultimate pen episode!! I mean the penultimate episode! We’ll be back for season 3 but not for a bit, so enjoy tonight, and then buckle up your seat buckles and buckle down your belt buckles for the two hour season finale next week! As always, thank you to my team of choreographers who have been workshopping and perfecting this dance and training me until I got it EXACTLY the way they wanted, and thank you to the decency emojis that pop up automatically when I show too much skin! Bellybuttons were illegal at one time, did you know? They had to paint out “I Dream of Jeannie”’s bellybutton from early episodes! People were so scared of bellybuttons back then because they thought if you got flicked in the bellybutton your bones would turn to jelly and you would just fall apart. Now we know that’s not true except for extreme cases, but people thought cigarettes were good and bellybuttons were bad. And nowadays we know that if you crush up a cigarette and mix it with paste and fill your bellybutton to the brim, people will look at you weird at the beach! That’s another little fun fact! Again, I have not tried that, but I do believe in the science. Plus you saved someone’s lungs from one cigarette’s worth of tar! But you also took one dollop of paste from a child’s craft table, so I actually don’t know how it all stacks up karma-wise. And I don’t know how these fun facts stack up wisdom-wise! But I DO know how building blocks stack up, stack up-wise. You need at least one touching the floor if you’re going to get to the ceiling. Otherwise gravity is going to get you every time. I hope your day is ok, sorry for the long caption, please be safe, thank you for everything you say to me! I appreciate you
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