It's been really weird feeling excited for my project to come out because every time I think about it, I'm also reminded of this heartbreak. I've taken the last few months processing everything that had happened. I haven't truly opened up about grandpa especially online until now. I couldn't bring myself to say it at the time of filming the show because I didn't want it to be real but I wanted to dedicate my efforts and performance to my grandpa. I didn't want to talk about it on the show at the time also because I wanted to separate these two experiences but it's been really hard to. What was meant to be the biggest day of my career was the day I experienced my biggest heartbreak. Honestly, I can't help but think of him when I talk about this project but now that it's coming out tomorrow, I wanted to finally let go of the weight I've been holding onto. I want to let go of the guilt, the sadness, the grief, and anything negative that I felt at the time because this project is one of the things I'm most proud of and I want to highlight this accomplishment. I also want to remember that grandpa lived a beautiful life and I'm sure he was watching over me when I was dancing for him. I wanted to thank the production team for being extremely supportive and asking if I wanted to leave the project to be there for my family. I decided to go through with the project especially since my family told me to keep going and do it for him. I wanted to thank Allen and the rest of the cast Bailey, Jeremy, Jay, and Anthony as well for always checking in on me throughout filming. I truly wished I was able to spend more time with you guys. I'm so grateful to have had such supportive people in my life during this time: my bf Sky, Pierre, Okasan and Kanon. I adore you guys so much. Most of all I wanted to send love to my whole family for showing up for each other during this hard time. I'm so thankful and proud to be born into this family and I wouldn't want it any other way. Grandpa, I love and miss you so much. This one's for you. Love, Zai 🤍
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