Im so grateful for the life i lead because I was brave enough to live it. At only 12 years old I didn't believe I would live to see 15 misdiagnosed as bipolar by a school therapist, with depression and anxiety destroying my brain. i got introduced to manga and cosplay and kept living thanks to the next chapter or the next convention that i was excited for At 15 I was horribly convinced I would not make it to 18 I went to Oregon and absolutely fell in love and got excited to move to the PNW cause it felt like the trees would heal me At 19 I had no plans for anything past that, I wouldn't plan my future or make serious plans because always in the back of my mind I would be gone soon. Day after day, month after month, year after year when i would have these thoughts of leaving i found a reason to keep living and now Ive found myself here. The reasons sometimes were big but most of the time very small. Like getting excited to eat my favorite breakfast bowl the next day, or waiting to see if my favorite flower lupin would sprout on my hikes that year. And of course people, my loved ones who I would think about when I was in my darkest moments and think about the scar i would leave if i decided to go, and how my dog wouldn't understand where I'd gone. I never believed I would make it to 31 but here i am and looking back on all these memories makes me so grateful i kept putting one foot in Front of the other. i got up when i fell, corrected myself when i stumbled, and clawed my way out of darkness over and over and over again. I am here, alive and i have gotten to lead a colorful life but that was thanks to my own bravery. I still deal with very painful moments and my symptoms of Neurodivergency has not made things easier, but at least i know how to better sit with them. If this resonates with you, i want you to know i understand and hopefully this can inspire you too to keep living. Life definitely works in mysterious ways and thats why i wake up everyday to experience it.
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